I still remember the night I became hooked on dance. We went to my cousin’s dance recital and she had a solo. She was up on that huge stage (at the age of 4!!!!) wearing a lime green leotard and tutu, a silver sequin top hat with a matching silver sequin cane. She was tapping to some song I don’t remember (Puttin’ on the Ritz, maybe?) but I do remember wanting to jump on that stage with her. My cousin and I danced together from that moment until I moved to another state at age 11. It was official, I was hooked.

While I was never a master by any means, I loved every minute of it. I would show up everyday and work for hours, trying to perfect the movement and achieve the ideal lines. From tap, jazz, modern and ballet, I couldn’t dance enough. When there weren’t enough hours in the day for my classes, I started assistant teaching so I could be moving more. The day I got my first pair of pointe shoes will forever be etched in my memory. It is one of my most cherished moments. I danced my way all over Tennessee and Kentucky as a child and then began auditioning for college dance programs. Despite a full scholarship to Shenandoah University, I chose Webster University, as it was the closest school that had a decent program within driving distance of my mother.

It was at Webster that the self sabotaging behavior began. While I never had a large group of friends growing up, I always had a few very good friends that I could count on. I went to Webster without knowing anyone and campus was a lengthy 4 hour drive away from my mother. This was just enough distance that I didn’t visit often, which further isolated me from any of my upbringing. I started gaining weight. If I wasn’t in dance class or rehearsal, then I was eating or sleeping. I started to become depressed. My ballet teacher never said any words of praise. In fact, the one thing that remains in my memory was him yelling at me across the dance studio, “I guess they don’t TEACH spotting in KENTUCKY!” I was in tears and humiliated in front of all my fellow dancers. I left the program after my sophomore year.

Now I was at a crossroads. I moved home because I had left college and was working dead end jobs. Also, my aunt had been diagnosed with breast cancer and she had two children that needed support. It was at this time that I decided (after much persuasion from my family) to go to college and get a “real” degree. All of the negative comments that shaped my childhood began to replay in my head repeatedly. “Dance will never amount to anything.” “You need a back-up plan.” “You guys are never going to make it as dancers in New York.” My grandmother used to send me not-so-subtle newspaper articles about mangled toes and dancers that didn’t make it and ended up broke. So, I enrolled at East Tennessee State University, and eventually (begrudgingly) graduated with a degree in Psychology. It wasn’t my first passion, but it was a path.

Yet, even if my life took me away from dance, I managed to find my way back into it. As I was earning that Psychology degree, I found a local studio that was linked to a performance company. It was here that I danced my strongest. My teacher was a former Rockette, and she provided the support I needed to flourish. I danced the Nutcracker 7 years in a row, managing to dance almost every role-even Sugar Plum! I also taught at this studio as I started my first job as a drug addiction counselor. While I was dancing here, I reconnected with my college boyfriend and we decided to get married.

With each life change, typically comes a move. When we decided to get married, we moved to Nashville, where we have lived for the past 13 years. Even now, married with a child, if my life does not involve dance, I feel out of place, like something is missing. It has been my passion all my life and I continue to look for ways to incorporate it into my life. Since graduating, that typically looks like a “real job” during the day and then teaching dance at night, or taking class on the weekends. There are times of more dance and less “real job” at times, and other times, they switch priority.

Dance is my rock, it is who I am, it is how I express myself and I would never have it any other way. Currently my goal is to find multiple ways to expose the next generation to this beautiful art form. I am creating choreography videos as well as teaching classes. It is my goal to show that dance can be for everyone who wants to learn. It’s not just for the ultra skinny, the beautiful, or the rich. It can be there for you, just like it was there for me during all the trials that life will throw your way. Keep dancing my friends. You are lovely.